


You Told Me, But I Don't Know How to Reciprocate

by illmaticdoc



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angsty sigh, Arguments, Emotionally Unavalible Yasuhiro, Hypmic Universe, Hypmic isn't mentioned at all though, Kojuro is Dumb and Gay, M/M, Tension, These guys are part of the same division, Yasuhiro/Kojuro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-25 16:12:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18577987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illmaticdoc/pseuds/illmaticdoc
Summary: After over a year of pestering Yasuhiro, Kojuro finally realizes that he wants something more than friendship from him. Being the impulsive guy he is, he lets it slip one night.





	1. You Told Me

**Author's Note:**

> A Hypmic OC drabble that doesn't include the universe at all :') This was meant to be an exercise for me but it ended up being Super Long... Plus with Vince's critique I actually think I did an okay job with this but I'm Monky

Yasuhiro finally, fully awoke to a man snuggled into his back, softly humming a quiet melody he couldn't quite recognize. It was probably one of his own, older songs -- Koju had so many good ones, too.

“Kojuro, you dumbass, what the hell are you doing? Get off me!” He snapped, attempting to wriggle away from the idol’s figure, but it didn't work. His arms were wrapped tightly around his chest, and honestly, it didn't feel too bad.

But he really wasn't ready to deal with how he felt about anything concerning the man burying his face in the back of his neck.

The man he once idolized, translating his songs to other languages, making sure to come to every performance he could, had grown closer to him than he could've ever imagined. He had loved Kojuro, but to have to define their relationship now wasn't something he could do.

“But Yasu~.... You're still warm. Go back to sleep, it's early, I think.”

“It's literally 7 in the evening. Aren't you usually out being famous with the nightlife right now?”

“You’re mean! Let me cuddle you. It’s the only time you let me touch you~.” Kojuro whined, lifting his head slightly to place his chin on Yasu’s shoulder. The feeling of their cheeks pressing together instantly brought a frustrated sigh out of the utaite. Luckily, the angle prevented anyone from seeing the harsh red that had appeared across his face.

“I don't care! Why do you want to touch me so much, anyway? Ugh, you're so annoying….” Yasuhiro grumbled, folding his arms in defeat. What surprised him, though, was the tense through Kojuro’s body suddenly, leading him to loosen his arms and roll to his side. After a brief period of silence, though it felt like forever, Yasu reluctantly turned over to glance at the idol.

He was lying on his back, hands covering his face, mumbling to himself. As soon as he noticed that he was being watched, he sat up quickly, rubbing his forehead.

“...I can't do this anymore. I’m sorry.”

“W-What… What the fuck’re you talking about?”

“I can't keep leading myself on. I’ll stop touching you, if that's what you want. I just… I don't know how to tell you this. I don't want to tell you this. I'm a damn idiot.” Kojuro whispered, gazing at the blanket crumpled under his legs. Yasu sat up.

“Stop being dodgy. Just spit it out. What's your problem?”

“I don't know why, but I… I think... I’m in love with you.”

Kojuro buried his face in his hands, leaving the room dead silent yet again. Yasu could see him begin to tremble gently, starting with his hands, but spreading across his figure quickly. Though, he wasn't much better off. It felt like his heart had dropped out of his chest.

Guess it had come full circle, he would've thought, on any other day.

“T-This is a stupid-ass prank, Kojuro, stop. You almost had me convinced. Ha.” Yasuhiro stuttered, but he couldn't even convince himself by saying that. _Your former idol just confessed his love to you, and you're just going to sit here like the bastard you are, huh?_

“It’s not… Y-You're not joking, are you. Why? Why would you love, let alone _like_ someone like me? All I do is make fun of you.”

“You know what? I don't know the answer, okay? God, I knew this was going to happen. I’m just a fucking idiot.” Kojuro’s voice was shaky, even though it was covered by his palms. Yasu couldn't define the emotion that sat in his tone -- a mix of sadness, and maybe even anger? He didn't know what to do. Reaching out wasn't like him. Keeping to himself for all of his life didn’t prepare him for this, and no matter what scenario he had seen from some shitty anime he tried to think of, nothing seemed good enough.

“...You really are a dumbass. I’ve been in love with you since the first fucking time I saw you. There are _so many_ people who would kill to know you like I do. But I’m not- I don't _deserve_ to even be friends with you. I can't do anything right, and now you're upset -- Sometimes I wish maybe I had just never gone to that damn show. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling like a character one of your stupid love songs - ”

“Shut up.”

Yasuhiro felt as if he had just been slapped.

The sharpness of the simple phrase he used on the daily, always directed back at Kojuro, was directed at _him_.

“Why can't you just be normal for one minute? You know _why_ I spend so much time around you? I want to _help_ you! And all you do is give me shit and complain about yourself in turn, Yasuhiro. I can't…. I can’t believe you right now. I can't believe what you're saying. After all my work to get you to be more reasonable, to be more _human_ \-- Let me go back to being your fantasy idol you admire from a distance.” Koju snapped, finally lowering his arms to reveal tears streaming down his face. He stood up, sniffling, but he didn't move any more.

He just stood. And Yasuhiro couldn't do anything but watch him.

Then he began to cry.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Kojuro kneeling before him, a look of distress taking over. His eyes were red, and he was still crying -- why was he helping him, then? He felt the embrace of his arms, and he wanted them to stay.

Was he going to express that? No.

"I don't fucking exist to satiate your sick hero complex, you bastard! I know you're trying to help. Consider the fucking fact I'm not something you can fix with cuddles, with hugs, and trips to the fucking mall!" His voice was harsh, and it stung to yell, but it got his point across. Kojuro instantly recoiled. Yasu didn't dare look up to see what his face was showing now, maybe disgust, or even resentment -- Ha, it was what he thought he deserved.

But in reality, Kojuro was shaking, aggressively so.

“Please don’t tell me you really want me to go….!” He whimpered, dropping down to bow in front of the curled-up man in front of him. It hurt to press his head against the floor, but the pressure seemed to distract from the whirlwind of thoughts flying through his head.

The sudden quiet pain in Koju’s tone made Yasuhiro break out of his fetal position, and sit up to stare down at him yet again. He had made him cry more, another time, but he still couldn’t help the selfish feeling that he wanted to feel his touch yet again.

So he did the only thing he could imagine, and shoved Kojuro to the side, and buried his face into his chest. He could feel his chest rising and falling quickly, almost hyperventilating, but it didn’t stop him from gripping around his waist as tight as he possibly could. The other man’s arms slung loosely around him. They shared a moment that he couldn’t quite describe, broken by mumbling and sobbing all the same.

Kojuro’s breathing finally became more normal, so the shorter man, still sniffling, decided to adjust himself on the floor, and their eyes met. The idol quickly closed his, as if to avoid a confrontation, and Yasuhiro frowned to himself.

“Ahem. Kojuro… Are you going to sleep over tonight?” 

“Hm? Yeah, I guess I can… I don’t think I have anything pressing to do tomorrow.”

“Just checking. I’m gonna go back to sleep. You tired me out, asshole.” He grumbled, but he really wasn’t sure what he was going to end up doing the next morning. Working up the courage to talk about something as heavy as a relationship would be a challenge, especially since he was certain Kojuro would neglect to try to start the discussion himself. Yasuhiro rolled off from on top of the other man, taking the blanket with him. 

“Ah, alright. I’m gonna go shower, then. Goodnight, Yasu…”

Hearing Kojuro wish him goodnight would typically be a relief. It usually meant that he was finally leaving for the day, so he could be alone in his house once again. He’d make himself some ramen, put on a show, or maybe even do some work.

He tried to push the idea of tomorrow out of his head, pulling the covers tightly around his body. It was out of his hands now.


	2. About Last Night

Yasuhiro awoke from his blanket pile on the floor to the smell of something good cooking. He dismissed his surprise, Kojuro had just come early again today, there wasn't some strange messing around in his apartment. He rolled on his back and sat up, noticing the cords and devices still spread out around him, and on the floor, Kojuro's idol jacket.

Then he remembered exactly what had happened the night before. If he was being honest, he just wanted to go back to sleep again, but his growling stomach refused to let him drowse. He stood, slightly wobbly, and squinted through the open blinds -- it was sunny outside. Hadn't seen that kind of weather in a while. The resident idiot must have opened the window, he mused, but his amusement quickly receded. 

_ “I want to help you! And all you do is give me shit and complain about yourself in turn, Yasuhiro.” _

Koju’s shaky voice echoed back in his head. Fuck, it was like their entire world had broken apart. He wouldn't be able to shuffle over to the table and have the idol greet him with a smile and a warm plate of food -- not like he used to. It seemed he had taken it for granted now. A sigh escaped Yasu as he finally decided to leave the cluttered room, and venture into the kitchen.

Upon entering, he noticed Kojuro looking cheerful as ever, happily humming something as he prodded some foodstuff with a spatula. Happy d he never been sleepy in his life? Pulling his attention away from the chef, he sat down at the table and shut his eyes yet again.

“Ah, Yasu! I made you breakfast, tamago kake gohan. It's a little hot, so be careful!” 

Yasuhiro opened his eyes again as Koju set a bowl down in front of him, as well as a set of chopsticks. He immediately began to eat, which luckily shoved some of the stress of even  _ being  _ away out of his mind. Though, it was fairly unusual for him to eat alone whenever he was over.

“...Kojuro. Aren't you gonna eat?” 

“I ate before you woke up.”

The shortness of his reply was almost painful to hear. Normally he would've been talking his ear off already, whether it be about a dream he had or something he had found in a store earlier in the week. Moments later, he appeared again, holding his jacket in his arms. 

“I’m gonna go home. I have to, uh, feed Riko.” Koju mumbled, giving a quick wave before he left the room. Well, he  _ tried _ to. Yasuhiro’s voice stopped him on the way out.

“Kojuro, you can't leave yet. We… We need to talk.”

“I know. But I’m scared.”

That certainly wasn’t a response he had expected. Kojuro had never shied away from a conversation before, from anyone. Especially not since he was always so eager to bother him about whatever exciting thing had just happened in his life. Yasuhiro watched as he trudged back over to lean against the wall, just across from where he was sitting.

“...I’m sorry for snapping at you last night, I just… Didn’t want to hide anything from you anymore. I probably made you hate me, didn’t I?” Koju sighed, bringing up a hand to grip the back of his neck with a defeated expression. 

“No, you didn’t, dumbass. You just suddenly confessed that and I didn’t know how to react because I’m so fucking stupid. I…. I want to tell you something about myself. Maybe it’ll make more sense then.”

“You can tell me anything, Yasu.”

“I can’t, like… I hate being around people. I hate public places, I hate strangers -- ugh, I can’t even fucking explain it! They all make me nervous. I hate talking about this shit. Thinking about stuff like therapy makes me want to die. Fucking strangers, I don’t know how to deal with them. Going out gives me so much anxiety that it’s fucking  _ unreal _ .” The words had to force themselves out of his mouth, they had never come out before, and brought all of the tension he kept wrapped inside of himself with them. Kojuro watched him with wide eyes as he tugged on his ponytail, messily combing through it with his fingers.

“You haven’t talked to anyone about this, have you. You’re… Afraid to…?” 

“I don’t fucking -- damn it. I guess so.”

There was a brief pause as Kojuro stared down at his shoes, and then raised his head to look at Yasuhiro.

"...Will you let me help you? I mean, I'm not, like, a therapist, but I want to help you feel better about yourself…. It really hurts when I see you upset, Yasu."

“Hey, now. Don’t hurt.” A faint smile appeared on Yasuhiro’s face. The worried expression Koju was giving him sent an ache through his heart. It was nice to hear, but it still made him uneasy -- he wanted to put work into making him better, but he really hadn’t even tried to help himself before. Yasu really didn’t want to see him in pain, though, so smiling was all he could think of doing to give him some relief.

“...You know  _ why  _ it hurts. You feel it too. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do with these feelings -- I want to take care of you. Tell me what’s okay for me to do.” 

“I don’t think I’m ready to be in a real relationship yet. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t lying when I said what I said…” 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not gonna rush you into anything, and I wasn’t lying either. I hope you won’t mind me sticking around, though. I’m always gonna be here, yeah?” Kojuro offered him a wistful smile. Yasuhiro could imagine he was fairly impatient with romance, since he was always so emotional about the smallest things -- but as the idol stood there, he felt an odd sense of calm. Yasu stood up from his seat, and slowly walked over to him.

He was instantly met by Kojuro’s tight embrace, making him stiffen. But this time around, he really couldn’t find it in himself to pull away, and let his head rest in the crook of the other man’s neck.

“...Can you hold me for a little longer?” Yasu whispered as he began to recoil, and Koju’s arms tightened around his chest once again.

“Of course I can.”

 


End file.
